So I’ve got this friend, he’s a great friend and he’s usually full of really good advice. We aren’t very much alike in some respects but in other respects we are very much alike. Therefore, our friendship is very beneficial as we sharpen each other in areas that we wouldn’t normally be sharpened. Well, his latest suggestion was that I look into running. Apparently running has really dispensed a lot of grace into his life. Who would have thought that hard work would dispense so much grace?
With that in mind, I have decided to give my best shot at running. Starting today I will run 1 mile and then try to run at least 1.5 miles by the end of the week. The air quality is really bad in Turlock, in fact, I only breath through my right nostril. I have this condition which many people have called “a deviated septum.” It sounds like a really bad calculus problem. This condition might hinder my running abilities but I’m whipping ahead anyway. We’ll see what kind of grace running dispenses into my life. Maybe it will give me a chance to think about things I wouldn’t normally think about? Maybe it will give me a time to drown in my IPOD. Lately I have been feeling tired quite a bit and yawning too much. Hopefully this will help to overcome that. I will post an update after I’ve made progress. If I end quitting then I will post a blog confessing my weakness.
I just finished reading a Severe Mercy and it is easily one of the best book I’ve EVER read. It is a rather difficult read, if you are not good at reading books which have a lot detailed imagery. However, if you can get past that, then you’ll enjoy a wonderful gift.
The book is about the love story between Sheldon Vanauken and his wife Jean ‘Davy’ Vanauken but truly it is about more then their love. It is about the motivating factor behind their love. I am no expert in love stories but this was one I could believe in. This love pointed to much more.
The couple fell in love while atheists and created all kinds of excellent elaborate schemes for securing their love. In fact there is a chapter called “The Shining Barrier (the Pagan Love) which highlights these rules. It is quite magnificent to read the attempt which is made at securing their love. CS Lewis was instrumental in their conversion and the book contains actual copies of letters he had written to Sheldon during his conversion.
I had to pause many times and meditate upon what I had just read. CS Lewis is extraordinarily succinct. If he had a blog, it wd. contain few words and v. deep thoughts. I don’t want to say much more about the book because I might botch it.
Here are a few quotes which I highlighted.
“One who has never been in love might mistake either infatuation or a mixture of affection and sexual attraction for being in love. But when the ‘real thing’ happens, there is no doubt. A man in the jungle at night, as someone said, may suppose a hyena’s growl to be a lion’s; but when he hears the lion’s grown, he knows damn’ well it’s a lion. So with the genuine inloveness. So with Davy and me. A sudden glory.” Pg. 29
“Our love of course seemed to us a miracle. First love always does the old, old story sung by poets and sneered at by wrinkled of heart. And yet it is a miracle, an unbelievable miracle, just as every springtime of the earth is a miracle.” Pg. 30
“What we did see was that jealousy is fear: it can corrode even if quite baseless.” Pg. 32
“Over-valued possessions, we decided, were a burden, possessing their owners.” Pg. 33
“But death is no respecter of love.” Pg. 44
“The best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians – when they are somber and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in complacent consecration, when they are narrow and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths.” Pg. 85
“Some people run away from grief, go on world cruises or move to another town. But they do not escape, I think. The memories, unbidden, spring into their minds, scattered perhaps over the years. There is, maybe, something to be said for facing them all deliberately and straightaway. ” Pg. 195
“All our most lovely moments are perhaps timeless.” Pg. 201
“Disobedience is not the way to get nearer to the obedient.” Pg. 210
That is all for now. Check it out if you need another book to read.
This is a great website for more information. http://www.willvaus.com/sheldon_vanauken
Have you ever thought that Starbucks should be renamed Fivebucks? Do you ever want to scream like a mad man when they have the air conditioning blasting in the winter so that more people will have to buy warm drinks? Do you find it funny that they care so much about those who are poor and yet there drinks are so expensive. Are they an evil empire which is sucking everyones blood? Could they be compared to Pharaoh or Rome? Why was Rage Against the Machine such a great band? Is there anything truly special about Starbucks coffee? Is it time to return to the mom and pop shops? I think so.
This is from the Starbucks website.
“So ever since we opened our first store in 1971, we dedicated ourselves to earning the trust and respect of our customers, partners and neighbors. How? By being responsible, acting ethically and doing things that are good for the planet and each other.”
I’m so thankful that they care about the planet as much as they do. Why not raise the prices just a bit more? Why not add a a few recycle bins to the store since they obviously care about the environment so much. Why not turn down the AC in the middle of the winter? Gimme a break. Starbucks in Dallas, at West Village was cool but it is time for a change. House of Java, Christina’s, here I come.
I’m sorry Starbucks, we use to be friends but I don’t know if I can continue in this sort of relationship. Unless of course you are hiring? We’ve been friends for a while but do you even care about me or is it all about the green? COME ON MAN.
This video can almost get me in tears every time I see it.
Or maybe there is something right with me? Maybe the New Orleans Saints point to their maker, their creator. The Creator of all things who himself is likened to a CHAMPION.
Psalm 19: 1 The heavens declare the glory of God; ……………5 which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
I have been single for the majority of my twenties. I’ve been the best man in 3 different weddings. I just got done with a graduate school program where I think they secretly advertised “Ring by Spring or your money back.” I lived in Dallas, TX, home of the largest single/divorced population. I am currently not married or in a serious romantic relationship.
The Word “Single”
Our current spoken and unspoken definition of the word “single” is one who is not in a romantic relationship. Often times, the word single could easily be exchanged for the word “alone” and the meaning wouldn’t miss a beat. When people say “single”, they could mean “alone.” This is a sad and unfortunate reality because it implies that single people are alone or don’t have other important relationships. I don’t like the word “single” as a definition for a person’s status because nobody is really single or alone. Instead we should maybe start referring to people who are not in a romantic relationship as “celibate.” Celibate implies an intentional decision to have a certain lifestyle as opposed to “single” which implies the inability to be romantically involved with someone. I suppose celibate sounds lame and so a better word would be “free”. I am not single, I am free. Anyway, let’s not get caught up in definitions right? After all, they only shape how we see the world.
Life is different for the single person, not better or worse but simply different. The challenges and joys are different as well. Here are some of the things that make it hard to be single.
1. People who are obsessed with getting married.
There are some people who can’t breathe without thinking about marriage. In reality, it is not marriage that they are obsessed with but rather romantic love. Marriage is more difficult than romantic love. I think it is good to desire to get married but it can’t be the goal. Our lives must be geared and heading toward something greater than our own self-satisfaction. People who are obsessed with getting married ruin it for everyone else. I especially don’t like how they will use anyone or anything to accomplish their “godly” goal.
2. Formula’s for falling in love…..I thought it was a miracle?
In my days as a single person, I have had so many people try to give me their master plan on how I can go from being single to engaged. It is often simple one liners like “put yourself out there”, “when the right one comes around you’ll know it”, “in the Lord’s timing”, or my personal favorite “so and so is single what about her?” These are just a few examples. There are massive volumes of books written on this topic which have a much more elaborate scheme for finding your soul mate. The worst are the ones you find in Christian book stores because they somehow put God in the picture which makes them even more damaging. It is one thing to be single and it is another to have people insinuate that either God isn’t on your side or that you aren’t being godly enough. Right? There are some books that go as far as to outline what masculinity or femininity looks like with the aim of making a person more “date-able.” They all smell of disaster. Do people really think God designed the world so that you can learn what principles you need to have in place in order to get someone to love you? What’s worse is that love isn’t LOVE when there’s an agenda/scheme behind acquiring it. Right Again? Such a twisted plot. Nobody is perfect…well I shouldn’t say nobody.
3. The music/movies and ads.
The worst though is the popular media in this country. Every song is about obsessive romantic relationships. I can’t make it to work without hearing 4 or 5 songs about how one person completes another or actually how one person is INCOMPLETE without another. “meet me half way” The horror.
4. The labels
I once heard a guy say “If Jesus or Paul were starting their ministry today…Christians would think they were either gay or unable to connect deeply with women.” What do you think? Is this true? Does the culture at large often view those in the ministry as unable to connect with women?
5. Annoying couples
The couples that I like to be around are the ones who were fun/ambitious/alive as single people. The rest are enmeshed in each other and I won’t go on any further.
So now that I’ve ranted and raved about the frustrations of singleness, what do I have to say about how to live the single life well? Basically, there are only a few pieces of advice on my end and most of my advice is common knowledge. So perhaps this will just be a reminder to myself and whoever else reads this. The Ten Commandments of the Single life according to me.
1. What Next?
One of the things that helps is to have some sort of mission or goal. What turns you on, what moves you? Maybe it’s an art or a specific trade? I took a strengths finders test that really helped me hone in on my skills. Single people can focus a lot energy that married people can’t? We can’t sit around waiting for something that may or may not happen, rather we should go full force into the God-given ability we have and were built for.
2. Family/Friends
Good friends and family relationships have been important to me in my journey. Often times we neglect our family because we’ve grown up with them our whole lives but why not become best friends with your brother or sister? Heck why not even get to know your grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles better? Even if they make you feel dumb for being single, they are still family. Seek out those friends who are friends for life, best friends. People who love you deeply and know about all your hidden flaws. Have a hand full of best friends that you can look back at and remember special times with. Regardless of whether or not you ever get married at least you’ll know that you mattered to somebody and somebody mattered to you. Have a friend which will look at you and say “I love you regardless of whether or not you ever get married. You are valuable outside of any relationship you have with anyone else.”
3. Vice & Virtue
Handle your vices carefully. We all have vices, lets not pretend like we don’t and as a single person it is even harder to manage the vice if you are trying to do it alone. I believe many vices get eliminated once you are married but I could be wrong seeing as how I am not married. I know that a vice may not leave but instead get out into the open more. Nonetheless, it is important for having a way of dealing with your vices. I think this is where best friends comes in handy. Have those people who know your vices and help you work through them, whether it be through helping you set boundaries or discussing deeply the issues that weigh you down. As a married person you have a spouse who has committed their life to you and so in the back of your mind you know you got something going for you but not for the single person. Kinda. I mean we all have dignity and class regardless of whether or not we are married but our society is not easy on the single person. Single people are usually painted with the brush of loneliness or perversion. We’ve got to change that and I think it starts by having good friends and especially those friends who can help you work through vices.
4. Entertain Angels
Accept the kindness of strangers. Go couch surfing. Some of the people who have encouraged me with my singleness the most have been or were at one time strangers. Simply enjoying a meal with friends I hardly know has gone a long way. It makes a difference because it connects you in a social gathering where you don’t feel like the odd man out.
5. The right person myth
Is there just one right person? I really don’t know. Answering that question is like answering the question about whether or not God could build a rock that was so big he couldn’t lift it up himself? People go on and on about whether there is just one or many out there. Quite frankly, who cares? What if there is only one right person for you and you missed your window of opportunity to be with them? Does that mean you shouldn’t go on living or being open to another person? Of course not! Instead we should focus our attention off of this idea that there is just one right person. There is a level of freedom that comes from believing that there is one right person. The freeing thing is that you don’t have to worry about working for it and can trust that when it happens…… it happens. If you believe in fate then it is a good thing but it can easily work against you when you think you may have missed your big opportunity. I don’t believe there is one right person but maybe one day I’ll meet her and then I’ll believe it. We should then call that an instance of Retro-Active Truth.
6. Worst case scenario
Face the facts….get real…..you could be single for the rest of your life. I like to ask this question “What if you have to spend the rest of your life single? What if God has it planned for you to be single just like that one person?” Usually when I ask those questions people are absolutely mortified as if I just violated them or attacked the cornerstone of their life-force. Once you face this question, it opens up a world of opportunity. If I knew that I would never again be romantically involved with a woman then I would live and think about life differently. Wouldn’t I? I probably shouldn’t but I bet I would spend a lot less time listening to people jabber on and on about the rules of engagement. Everything’s fair in love and war right? Wrong!
7. Friends….How many of us have them?
It has helped me to get a fresh reminder that just because I am single doesn’t mean that I’ve done something wrong. Maybe I haven’t done anything wrong? Maybe I’ve acted in line with God’s will and right now this is where I’m at?
8. The evil x
Learn from your x’s. Either learn where you settled or were in the wrong. Let’s face it we’ve all been in the wrong and so we should just come to terms with that. We’ve also settled for people who couldn’t see the beauty in us and instead chose to judge us and reject. Come on, we don’t need that do we? Seriously, if they’re not interested….walk on. Anytime I have recognized that a relationship won’t work I listen to the song “Time To Move On” by Tom Petty. In it he says “It’s time to move on, it’s time to get going, what lays ahead you have no way of knowing and underneath my feet baby, grass is growing, yeah it’s time to move, it’s time to get going.” In this song, Tom asks a very provocative question….”Which way to forgiveness?” That is a great question to ask in dealing with x’s.
9. Love religion?
Be careful of churches that are really just social networks using religious words to hook people up. Be apart of a church that is concerned with the things God is concerned about. God is interested in our personal relationships but He is also concerned with feeding the poor, clothing the needy, and caring for widows and orphans. It just frustrates me when I see religious events being advertised as religious events but in reality they are a cover-up for dating network. Pretty soon church isn’t about church rather it is about hooking up. Lamo, don’t create theologies and use religious language to push loneliness agenda further. Please, please, join e-harmony and stay out of the pulpit. Don’t pretty “myspace” up with religious language. If you are sad about being single then admit that and deal with it. Don’t drag anymore people into bad answers to life’s challenging questions. I can’t believe I just said all of that. I’m probably just as guilty as the next person, as evidenced by this blog.
10. Listen to U2. They will help you through the night.
This is a great anthem for all single singe people.
I especially like the direction that is given at the 1:54 mark.
“Steve (short for Steven/Stephen) is a name associated with power and awesomeness.
An Australian male with the name Steve should be praised constantly.
Historians have noted that the name derives from a line of kings, sports stars and top blokes.
It has been noted that philosophers in the mold of Nostradamus and Albert Einstein have stated that the name Steve should be put away because it would be difficult for any young male to have such a burden placed on their shoulders.
However this theory was rebuked by the AOS (Association of Steve’s) who correctly suggested that once a child is named Steve they can automatically take upon such a mantle, as with the name they are the recipient of much greatness, authority and laid-backednesss.
Parents who embed their children with this hallowed name shall receive an all round champ of a son for their knowledgeable choice.”
My name is Steve
Have you ever been in a place where you were told that God wasn’t actively present but you somehow suspected that he was?
I grew up during a time in which the secular was pinned up AGAINST the spiritual. God was not at the bars, he was at the church. God didn’t approve secular music, he approved Christian music. God was not at the kegger, he was at the Bible study. This was a conviction which was heavily impressed upon me. Many leaders didn’t drink beer for fear of being called a hypocrite and ruing their “witness”. Instead of drinking responsibly, they fled. Instead of enjoying the world which God created/creates, we were prompted to focus on heaven and spreading the message so that other could one day go to heaven. The message was that this world is tainted and that God will one day do away with it and give us a spiritual existence. Parts of that message were true but other parts were horribly misguided. There isn’t enough room on this blog to go into the inner workings of this evacuation/escape/exclusive theology but I believe it to be false. I’m interested in a theology which marries heaven and earth the way that the Bible does. Revelation 21:2 saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. One key to good Bible study is the ability to notice God working through ordinary people and places to accomplish the extraordinary. God appeared to Moses in the form of a burning bush. Burning bushes were very common and most people would walk right past them but some say that Moses stared at the bush for a few moments and that was when God appeared. This is conjecture but there are many other examples of God being among the ordinary or even the insignificant. Jesus was known for eating with sinners. People didn’t expect God to be among the sinners but apparently he can be found, even among the commoners? I understand that this is a tall task for some but it is possible. I recently had an experience that illustrates for me the power of Gods presence in any situation.
My favorite football team, the New Orleans Saints, went to and won their first ever Super Bowl a couple weeks ago. Guess who went to New Orleans to be apart of the madness? Yes, I made the trip. I couldn’t miss my place in Saints history. I wasn’t able to enjoy experiences like this until about 4 years ago when I first started to realize that God doesn’t look down on me for enjoying myself at sporting events. So now, I make it a point to not only go to the places where I was prompted not to go but to look for the spiritual, to see how God is at work.
After the Saints won the Super Bowl they had a parade. The city of New Orleans is approximately 340,000 strong but guess how many people were estimated to have shown up to the parade? A whopping 800,000!!!! It was quite the experience. One of the security guards let me into a restricted area which was designated for only city workers but the guard knew that I was by myself and wouldn’t take up too much space so he let me through.
After crossing the gate I proceeded to wait for the Saints players and coaches to pass through on the floats. I happened to strike up a conversation with another Saints fan who was standing around and instantly I had a light bulb come on. In the middle of our conversation, it occurred to me that God was there at the parade. This man Reggie began to talk to me about his life and the role that the Saints had played in it. It was an instant reminder of how God uses insignificant things like football to deeply impact peoples lives and that was what I needed to hear at that moment in time. I live in a world full of hustle and bustle. I live in a world where moving up in the ranks is what proves your worth. I live in a world where the significant are recognized and the insignificant are forgotten. If I come across a situation that merges the “significant” with the “insignificant” then I make sure to take special note of it because it is not far from Gods heart. (1 Corinthians 1:18-30). I video taped Reggie giving his testimony and I posted it on youtube. For those of you who read this blog and have trouble with profanity, please be warned. There is one cuss word. If you do not feel comfortable with cuss words then do not watch this video.
In case you don’t know, Sean Payton is the head coach of the New Orleans Saints. You gotta love Reggie and you gotta love Sean Payton. A class act and an fine example of leadership. Most of all I appreciate how Reggie recognized that God allowed him to see Sean P. with the weed eater. God used Reggie to encourage me and others about hard work. The funny thing was that we weren’t in a church building or a Bible study and God still blessed me in the “secular”. I thank Reggie and I thank God for allowing me to be at the parade and witness what I did.
Religious People are like referees they never break a sweat, they never score any points, they never feel the highs and lows of the game, they just run around blowing their whistles. And when they retire nobody cares. – Matt Chandler
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